THE GALAXY ON HER FACE

 

- by Blue

She moved here in the middle of the semester. No reasons. No warnings. Just a lightning strike that caused a rumble after it flashed a light for everyone to see. 

She left a small thunder, not a loud one. So small that I fear I was the only one who heard. 

Everyone saw she was there. Everyone was sure she was present in the room somehow. a friend they could always rely on when needed. But it seemed to me that she fit in so much after a brief display of light that no one noticed she was always lurking. Lingering in the corners. Waiting to be called. 

But I never forgot that she was in the same space as I was. 

Maybe it was because of that thunder I keep rambling on about. A faint sound from a far-off place that humans have yet to see. But I feel that if I listen to it more earnestly, I might see something there. It bothers me that I would be the only one to notice, though. What's so special about me? Nothing. 

But I don't wonder that she would be the reason for all of this. She's as every bit as special as I was ordinary. Every bit as bizarre as I was boring. We were on two sides of a pole. She, dazzling and humming from afar, and I, who watched like a fan off stage.

I braved my way to talk to her one day under the pretense of the professor's orders. I considered it my lucky day. I was going to talk to her, and that would be the start of something amazing. Worth the entry in my autobiography if I ever decide to write one. 

Yet halfway through the conversation, I stammered. Fumbled with my words and choked on my own spit. Then, I froze. It was embarrassing. 

I imagined every scenario that could happen when I talk to her, but every one of those delusions never happened. As delusions were, I now realized. 

She looked nothing like the girl I stared at from the safety of my seat. 

How can someone do that? Change in the middle of a conversation? Switch gears and be someone you don't recognize making you doubt the initial minutes of a "what if" turned south.

It was unnerving, like meeting the dark side of the moon slowly as you get through the days of a somewhat peaceful night. Only I didn't have a calendar to let me know it was bound to happen. I didn't even know I was looking at something that was the moon. 

I tried again a few days later with a new plan. I changed directions and edited my script. I can fit into this new personality that I didn't expect. I can be her friend this time. 

But I was thrown off. 

How? How? How?

Was this a prank? Am I being hated? Maybe she was annoyed at me. Maybe she didn't like to a total nobody?

Those can't be right. In both instances, it was clear she was bein friendly. She didn't shoo me away or shame me. I didn't feel humiliated or toyed with. 

I was just lost. 

Perhaps the real problem in this scenario was me. 

I need to fix that. Fast. 

So I stayed back to build my courage in silence. I hung back and waited, retracing steps and marking new paths on the map that would lead me to her. 

Those paths never diid. 

They were all the wrong strategies for a conques that was, I summed up, to be out of this world. Out of my world. 

Years later, it all came crashing back to me. 

***

"Hey," a woman said. I figured she wasn't talking to me, so I didn't look her way. When she called the second time, I still couldn't believe it. 

"Me?" I asked. Just to be sure. 

"Yes, you," she said. "I heard some of the guys talking about how they saw you come in. I thought you'd never come. It's honestly quite a surprise."

I flinched and took a step back. "Why wouldn't I come? I also had friends from our year that I wanted to meet after a long time."

"I didn't mean it like that," she said in a flustered voice. Her face immediately turned pale. "I just thought you wouldn't want to see me or any of my friends. You always avoided me, you know. I thought you didn't like me after the few conversations we had. With our group organizing this reunion, I was afraid you'd end up doing the same thing from back then."

"What? Why would I..." I trailed off. 

I fancied myself a person of their word. I make my bed and lie on it. Say my promises and live with them, truthfully and without excuses. But the days of my youth were a blur that my consciousness decided to forget. It was plain stupid. Wrapped in the book that was my life. 

"I mean, I wasn't avoiding you," I hurriedly said after realizing who I was talking to. "I was just... Honestly, I don't know what I was doing at the time. It seems I have forgotten. Sorry about that."

"No biggie," she said in a way that made you think she was telling the truth. I don't know why, but my gut is telling me it wasn't a 'no biggie' at all. "I'm glad I wasn't right. See you around and... have fun."

A smile formed almost instantly on her lips before she went away. The sound of her heels clacking on the tiled floor echoed in my ears as I watched her blend into the crowd. Something she was always capable of. 

She never changed. Still bizarre. Someone I didn't and still couldn't map out. 

But I see now what I didn't back then. 

All the dazzling bits she had in her weaponry outshone every dark matter that enveloped her. Those breathtaking parts of her revolved in a system that she controlled, switching places when it was necessary. Something I tried to decipher but couldn't. And all the lies... they were a part of her.

Yet I couldn't see it. 

No. I saw. I just couldn't accept. For how could a shining star lie when it would only dim her light? 

In the end, she wasn't a star. 

She was vaster than a single burning ball in the middle of this infinite universe. And here I was, stuck with the role of looking over at her till the epilogue of a story that didn't even happen. 

_________________ thank you so much for reading ^^