LOST IN THE WOODS

  

— by Blue 

[ trigger warning: talks about suicide, manipulation]

 

An adventure, it is not for everyone. Others seek it. Some would rather it not be there. It is purely a waste of time. No matter how fairy tales gloss their stories over, a journey requires a lot of things and it poses a lot of danger. All she could see was nothing but death. 

But once upon a time, when the woman was but a little girl, she longed for an adventure within her pages. When all was blank and the fates were still uncertain, she had dared to wish for a driven tale to fill the paper of her past with sparkling words that would make other kids envy her. With just the right journey and a catching title page, she was sure the lot of them would want to read what she would have to offer. They would put her book on their shelves, with her name written in bold letters on the cover. 

It was then that she coincidentally met a friend. 

"How did that even happen?" she would ask herself in the future in plain wonder. But right now it didn't quite matter. All she knew was that they were friends. Maybe not the bestest in time, but a pair who would cherish each other's company nonetheless. 

He was gruff on the outside, but kind on most days. He was big and there were moments when she thought his appearance scared her, but at the end of the day, she wasn't afraid. She was certain that the fear she felt in the middle of the night when he was close was but an illusion. It was pure animal instinct that didn't have anything to do with conscience. Nothing but pure prejudice that held no reason. She hated feeling that way. He never deserved such baseless accusations. 

You should never, ever, judge a book by its cover. 

As time passed by, the little girl could see the signs. Her friend was in need of a companion, a party to go on a quest somewhere beyond the sea, on an island where legends of magic hid in crevices of tree trunks and beneath the root of tree stumps. Treasure was out there in the beyond, and he was out to find them. 

'He is in need of a friend to go along with him. Aren't I a friend? Why is it that he won't come to me?'

Truly, it was a mystery. 

Was he afraid that he would drag his friend into danger? Was he afraid of the risks, the death flags that would come their way? It was a little bit confusing. 

Despite her looks, the little girl was no fragile thing. She was strong. She was once dubbed the brightest mage of her age, and the youngest to ever best a magic instructor. Though adventures might still be out of her league, she was not a stranger to battles within the arenas of the school grounds. She was quick on her feet. She was a master of wits.  

And yet why? Why slip off the opportunity to have a formidable ally? 

It was no time for questions. More time for invitations! 

The little girl sent a letter to her friend, a formal invitation to form a party and head off to the guild bulletin to accept the quest of a lifetime. He was ready. She was also ready. What else is there to look for? 

A thumping on the door awoke her one morning, a day passing after she sent the invitation. Hearing it made her jump out of bed and run to the door in delight. Disappointment already crept into her heart, along with embarrassment and sadness when she did not hear any reply at first. She was afraid that she assumed things and pictured everything wrong, but the sound out front was a sign to rejoice. 

There he was, looking so small despite his huge frame. He looked like a child, knocking on doors as if to find a home and a haven in the middle of the rain. But the clouds were clear for the day. Not a drop of water was there to bring in the cold. 

"Are you sure about this?" he asked. 

"Positive!"

"But it'll be dangerous, and you and I are not alike. I am a bear, and you are a human. I am nothing short of an animal. People will talk. More than anything, I'm afraid I will not be able to protect you." 

"It doesn't matter! This difference you talk about, why does it have to be said? What I value more is what I think of you and what you think of me. What other people, strangers who knew nothing, those would be nothing but air. Above all else, I can protect myself! That's why I volunteered to be a part of this quest in the first place. I won't be joining you if I thought I was just some girl who needed someone else's protection. That would not serve the purpose of an adventure at all!"

  

All of what the girl said was true. She was sincere about her intentions and the bear knew it. He couldn't quite admit it on his own terms, but this was what he had hoped for. He was just afraid to push it through. Afraid... like a coward hidden underneath fur and thick skin. 

Passed the seas and to the island of mysteries they ventured. A strong duo they became against countless foes. The way to the treasure was long and rough, but the traveling days were never short of fun. Discovery could be at every corner sparking a whole new conversation between them. A laugh or a two can be heard, followed by a silence that would seem awkward after a while... until it was comfortable. The silence was more than just silent sometimes. 

 

One day, it started raining. They were in the middle of the forest in the legends now. The paths were harder to discern from one to the other. The muddy trail didn't help either. 

"We would have to find shelter for the night," the bear said. He looked heavier than he weighed. 

The girl was wet straight through her socks as well so she nodded in agreement, unable to make a sound through the roaring thunder in the distance. It sounded like a dragon fending for its land than the actual sky making a shout. 

They searched the woods for any cave or a big enough crevice that would fit them both. An empty dwelling left by past adventurers would be nice, but it was nothing but an impossible miracle. 

In the end, they settled for a small cave, almost too small but they made do. The place was cramped and it was hard to see and move around as the dark went in along with the setting of the sun behind the thick gray storm clouds.

"I'm sure it'll pass soon," the little girl said. But the rain didn't pass until both of them fell asleep, shivering in the cold. 

When she woke up, the little girl was on her own. Her friend, the bear was nowhere in sight. It was scary but she waited. She closed her eyes as she sat in the middle of that little cave, waiting for the one who walked that long trail alongside her. 

"Where have you gone?" she asked. 

"I looked for some firewood," he replied. 

"Okay. You can come back in now."

Second day. The rain still wasn't letting up. Was it like this all the time? Was this the magic of the forest? 

The little girl wanted to ask where the bear went, but she was afraid to say anything. It felt like some kind of illusion would break if she did. 

She stared at the sleeping form of the bear, his chest going up and down in a steady rhythm of breaths. What did she know about this man? Had she ever asked? Had he ever answered anything when she asked? 

She knew he was lying. There was no way you can find any firewood in the forest in this rain. All the branches and twigs would be drenched, They wouldn't be able to light any fire. Did he think about that when he looked? Maybe it just slipped his mind. After all, in the end, he didn't bring any firewood as it was not possible. 

But alas, he was gone again for the second time until evening. Then for the third, the fourth, and the fifth. 

It's been two weeks... What has he been up to? 

"It wouldn't be wrong if I tried to find out, right?" she asked herself. She has been waiting for so long, but there was this fear hindering her to ask these words out loud and act on them. It's like there's this line she'll inevitably cross. That line leads to something unknown and that scares her. 

She once boldly announced her need for adventure. A journey towards a mysterious land sounded so good on paper. But deep down, she knew she was afraid of what she doesn't know. She was sure however that all she needed was for someone to walk along with her. Yet through it all, with him not by her side, she was hit by the fact that she can not handle any risk in the face of her life. 

With trembling legs and a shivering body, she hugged herself with both hands to wrap her cloak around herself while she hesitantly ventured into the frightening forest. It was daytime, but the overgrown trees and the dark gray skies didn't provide her with that much light to work with. 

Was it right, or was it left? She wasn't sure where exactly she was headed. It was a little too late to hope, but she silently wished she was going somewhere with this and that she wouldn't get lost. "Wait, have I passed this trail before?" she asked. Truly, it was too late to wish for something like that. 

"These are amazing," she heard a voice say behind the bushes. It was a very familiar voice. 

She crawled into a tight space. Twigs, and prickly leaves clung to her clothes and poked at her face. Her hair was also being pulled back, strands plucked out of her head in painful pinches. 

A bear was rummaging through a stack of magical mushrooms, examining them one by one before consuming them straight into its mouth. It continued to do this, unbothered by the rain and the wisps that circled it in curiosity. 

A bear was there, just a few feet away from her. It was her bear. 

"Why are you here?" "What are you doing?" "Are you on your own?" "Are you sure you don't have anyone to share these rare items too?" Voices were hovering like ghosts in the wind, asking the questions that the girl would have asked if she had the courage.

Say something, the girl was practically shouting without any sound escaping her lips. Anything...

"Share these?" the bear laughed. Such a lighthearted and unbothered laugh that left thorns in her heart. "It doesn't matter. I don't have anyone like that sort."

Something was breaking. What was it? 

She told herself she should be careful. There might be shards of glass around. Hurry, she has to find a safe place without the risk of wounding herself with these unseen sharp shards. Hurry... somewhere far from here should be good. Yes, home. She should start heading home. 

"Why was I in this woods again? Did I forget?" An honest unsuspecting question full of sadness in denial. 

Direction was not a problem. If she went straight one way, she'll eventually reach the beach and the edge of the island. It'll be easy to find a boat by then. 

A loud roar echoed through the forest from behind her, yet she continued to walk. That roar turned into a nearing growl, forcing her to look back with the sound of heavy footsteps thumping straight from the earth to her chest. It was scary. 

"Why did you leave me behind?" a voice asked. She couldn't bear to look at his face.

"Why do you think that is?" was her reply instead. Answering a question with another question sounded stupid, but she couldn't help it. She was afraid of the stranger that she might see if she raised her eyes and removed her hood for a look. She was afraid of what kind of monster was there seeking her presence.

"What is it because I'm weak? That I'm not worthy to be with you with how much of a loser I am?" the voice asked. 

Taken aback by the answer, she felt anger gurgling inside her like boiling water ready to release steam. She ached for the insecurity in his face. She resisted the urge to hug him and console him when amidst all of it, there she was practically bleeding. The little girl was baffled as well. How can he think that she would ever look at him that way? Hasn't she made it clear that she has never, even once, cared about such a thing? 

"You clearly don't understand anything." Every word she uttered was laced with hatred for the person she never seemed to know after all. 

"Then tell me. Please. Don't leave me on my own. I can't survive this place without you." Begging like the animal he was, the bear groveled almost kissing the ground she was standing on. It was supposed to be satisfying, just like how those stories she read make it seem like it was. And yet it wasn't satisfying. She was only left wishing he would stop. 

"You lied to me," she finally said, her voice almost silent. 

"What?" the voice sounded it was surprised. "How did you know?"

"Does it matter?" she asked. 

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry for not telling you," he said. Was he crying? "I'm sorry for not telling you how weak I am! I'm sorry! If only I have been honest about how useless I am from the rest. I'm really sorry!"

What? What was this bear even talking about? It was not going as she has expected and it hurts her head. She was confused. For a second, she forgot the ache in her heart. Then, it all crashed back like the rain suddenly pouring in a fitful shower from the sky. 

In the end, he never actually admitted what he did wrong. She spelled it out, loud and clear, "You acted like I didn't exist behind my back. Why?" He only answered with a hundred more apologies. Perhaps he didn't understand the meaning of what he did or what was wrong with it. That made her ask herself. Was she overreacting? Was she being selfish like usual? What was wrong with her?

"Stop it," was her plea this time around. "Please, I just want to go home."

If there was no getting through to him, perhaps it was high time to just give up. Would she be selfish again to ask of that? She's not quite sure. Is it wrong to yearn for peace in this chaos? 

"No, please don't! Don't leave me on my own! Or maybe you should... I know you deserve a better partner to help you on this quest. Maybe you have already found one? Is that it? Is that why you're running away from me? I guess it's only right that I let you go. But no, please, I won't survive a day without you with me."

Stop.  All she was thinking about was for everything to stop. Why isn't it stopping?

Why isn't he listening to a word she was saying?

Is he under some kind of spell? Were those mushrooms at fault? Or maybe it was the voices of ghosts that got to her as well. Someone, or something was at fault here. Who or what is it? She needs to find out before she convinces herself that this was all her doing. 

"Are you really going? Really?" he asked. 

She didn't grant him any response. Maybe it'll just turn out to be a dream if she keeps being quiet. 

Shivering, the bear drew out something from his side. It was glowing ominously, the light from it peering through the cracks of the little girl's vision making her look up despite her want not to. 

"What is that?" she asked, almost not making the words right out from shock. "Where did you get that?"

The bear was holding a glinting dagger glowing the most frightening green she ever saw. It refracted and reflected through the raindrops of the night, glaring her eyes and yet it was hard to look away. How can she when it was in the hands of someone who might put it to use—a frightening turn of events. 

"I've had it for so long. Someone told me it holds the souls of the departed. Isn't it beautiful? I thought one day I'd be able to revive the life of someone who has left me. That's why I went on this quest. But that didn't matter along the way because I had you."

The little girl took a step back, afraid of what was going to happen. 

"Now I see that it has its other use. Maybe that was what it was meant to be for at the start. Maybe this is what destiny intended, for everything to end like this and have you spread your wings upon my grave. Have you heard? This dagger, they call it the cutlass of souls. it holds the souls of the dead. If I die now, perhaps this dagger will take my soul along with it. I'm sure you wouldn't leave it behind for others to find. It's also indestructible so you wouldn't be able to break it. I know, you'll take it with you. Everywhere you go, I would be with you always. You're kind that way. You're perfect that way."

Shivers ran down her spine in a frenzy of anxiety and fear, dancing like fire meant to burn her every being.

"I don't want to say goodbye, but please be well."

"NOOOOOO!"

The little girl sat right up, the thin blankets draped over her falling to the wooden floor. She looked around, scanning her room. It looked unfamiliar at first, not until she saw her small luggage resting at the side of a single chair and table. Her cloak was also there, still wet from the rain outside. She felt the rocking of her body along with everything else in the room as she stood up.

That's right, she was on a ship home. 

"It was just a dream," she told herself, trying to calm down the ragged breathing and thumping of her heart off her chest. "Just a dream."

It hasn't been a while since she boarded the ship. It was still waiting for passengers but she took the opportunity to take shelter and rest in one of its cabins. Perhaps it has been a day, yet the ship still hasn't sailed. More people were going to the island after all, more in numbers than those who were there to go out. 

"Everything sounds like a trap to me now," she muttered. 

Restless and wide awake, she dressed herself and decided to go on deck. Just to check how things were going. Maybe she can talk with the captain too, ask him when they would be able to leave. She couldn't wait to step back on the shores of her birth land. 

The morning breeze and the bright sun rays touched her cheeks like a promise of a brand new dawn to an already ending story. An illusion, she thought. There's no way time moved that fast. Not in this story, 

As she stood on the edge, peeking right back to the crowns of the trees overhead, her eyes searched for a familiar silhouette against her will. It was like a habit, a bad sickening habit.

Like an unwanted miracle, there he was, big frame and all, looking out at sea with a listless look in his eyes. He didn't die. He was still alive. 

She sighed. 

"I wish you all the best," she whispered to the wind to reach him. "I sincerely hope you let go of that glowing thing you've been keeping close to your side."

________________ Thank you for reading until the end ^^

art featured at the start made by yours truly.