STAY STILL OR RUN




 — by Blue 


I still remember the day my father took me hunting. 


It was the middle of winter. We wore thick coats and big boots. I felt like I was a walking bear myself, waddling my way through the knee-deep snow into the woods. There was so much layer over my real skin that I felt like that coat from when I was seven years old was already a part of my own being. Like it would hurt if someone would take it away from me. Like being skinned alive. 


My father had his rifle with him. Back then, I was sure it was that type of gun. Now I'm not so sure as I realized that a rifle was the only gun I knew as a kid. I was never one to get curious about firearms. But I was sure that whatever it was, my father still have a gun in his hands and that thing could kill. My father was out to murder someone. 

 

We came home with a young deer behind his back. I was trailing behind him leaving my little footprints on the snow. He looked so big from the way I looked and stared at his broad back. 


But what I could never forget was the deer itself. 


Its eyes were pure black to me. It looked like glass. Empty. Yet I was certain it was still screaming a scream that didn't escape because it was too late. It was dead before it realized it was shot. 


I still remember that day, the smell of gunpowder lingering, never truly fading away. The sound of the shot, then the deer falling unconscious on the snow. The color of red splattered on the then white, turned black sooner until it was mud. It was dirty. 


I wonder if the deer had been given the choice, would it have run? Or would it have stayed still, convinced that it couldn't be seen through the thickness of the forest, the color of the trunks of the trees shielding it from view? 


I wish I could have asked it a question. But that's stupid. It's dead. 


You can ask me though. I'll tell. 


I'd tell you that you can run. It's the first thing that you'd think about. You'd want to get away as soon as possible. You need to, more than anything. Safety. You just have to feel safe and stop the alarms from striking through your head because it's annoying. It's distracting. Because it's keeping you from making logical and rational decisions. Like running away, for example. 


It's a loop. You'd realize that when it's too late. You have to get to safety to stop the noise. You have to stop the noise so you can think. You have to think so that you can do something. But you can't do anything. You're not safe. You can't be safe anymore. 


So you stay still. People might say you're waiting for your demise. You're not. You're not waiting for anything. Time just stopped so it's no use. It's more like your whole body froze along with time, so you won't have to wait.


It's all over before you know it. 


Go on. Ask me what the deer probably thought about within his final seconds. Ask me. I will tell. 


I will tell you before the trigger gets pulled. I could tell you because I'm sure I'm not dead like the deer. I'm not dead—yet.



 


______ Thank you for reading ^^

art used is made by me <3



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